i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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