I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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