Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
He kissed a someone with a penis
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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