watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
