oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm too high and old for this...
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
