You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
