i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
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