Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
not ubering you a puppy
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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