I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
