when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
