My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
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EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
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its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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