I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
