yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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