i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
