you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
