I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
