I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
