We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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