I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
