I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
