I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
