i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
