i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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