remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
