Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
