Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
