apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
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