Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
