i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You ate ashes out of my bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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