She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
