I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
