Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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