I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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