Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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