He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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