Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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