i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
