I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
