dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
