My friends, they love my intelligence
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
