You work out of a Hotel?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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