I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
