so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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