So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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