Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
