Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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