To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
