you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"