..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection