he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school