U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
19 Movie Extras Reveal What It’s Like To Work With Celebrities
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not