remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.