im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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