Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Randomize
