He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
