I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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