i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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