i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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