I feel great
I just peed on a car
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
