last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
