i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
