I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
