go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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