Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
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