This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
