6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
