Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
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When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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