I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
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I need you to use more vowels.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
