Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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