My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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