Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
