did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
