Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize