I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
