I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Couch. On fire.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize