the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
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