I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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