So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
