you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
