Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
