Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
