My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize