her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
