Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
