i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
