Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
