i think my tv is drunk
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
