a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
