Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
